


Insufferable

by zran



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: And not too explicit, Angst, Breaky - Freeform, Explicit Sexual Content, Hate Sex, M/M, Only like one chapter, Smut, Some minor non-consensual stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-01-12 17:38:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18451388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zran/pseuds/zran
Summary: “You say that like you don’t realise how awfully insufferable you are!”“And you’re any better?”“Oh, go fuck yourself.”“Likewise”That’s how it all started. That’s how the sneaky evenings in each other’s rooms started. How it began that they would congregate in someone’s bed as soon as Roger and Freddie announced they were going out. How it just so happened that whenever they needed to share hotel rooms when playing gigs that Brian and John only pretended to mind sharing - even that one time they had forgotten to split the beds.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not used to writing like this, so let me know what you think. This will more than likely be a full-on fic, so let me know if there's anything in particular you want to see :)

“You say that like you don’t realise how awfully insufferable you are!” 

“And you’re any better?” 

“Oh, go fuck yourself.” 

“Likewise”

They had been banned from fighting in rehearsals - but did it really count if Freddie or Roger weren’t there to witness it? Did anything count if Freddie and Roger weren’t there to witness it?

That’s how it all started. That’s how the sneaky evenings in each other’s rooms started. How it began that they would congregate in someone’s bed as soon as Roger and Freddie announced they were going out. How it just so happened that whenever they needed to share hotel rooms when playing gigs that Brian and John only pretended to mind sharing - even that one time they had forgotten to split the beds. 

Nothing ever threatened to give them away, really. Thanks to how fiercely co-dependent Freddie and Roger were, it seemed they were often largely oblivious to their two best friends hate-fucking beneath their very noses. It wasn’t hard to pretend - if anything, it was harder to pretend they liked being around each other even the smallest of smidgens when they were out in public. If it were up to Brian, John never would have made it past a week in the band; and if John had his say, they’d already have a new guitarist. Outside of the small spaces their respective apartments took up, they couldn’t even stand to be around each other. Maybe that’s where it had all really stemmed from; hating each other so much that any moment between just the two of them had to be filled with something to stop them from tearing each other limb-from-limb. As Brian laid on the couch, watching John smoke a cigarette from the fire escape, he concluded that hate-sex was the right answer for them. While Brian wouldn’t say he was staring, it definitely appeared like it when John turned back around. 

“What?” The younger man questioned, eyeing Brian like he had two heads. 

“Nothing.” Brian said softly, adjusting under the rug that lied over his lower body. “Again?” He asked, glancing over the man wearing just his boxers and Brian’s t-shirt. John nodded as he stood up, snuffing out his cigarette and climbing back through the window. John returned quickly to the couch, pulling the rug off of Brian and straddling the older man as Brian removed the shirt John was wearing. “We’re not a couple; don’t wear my clothes.” Brian muttered, just before his lips connected with John’s pale skin. 

“I know we’re not a couple. My shirt didn’t make it out of the bathroom, you idiot. Did you want me to freeze to death while having a smoke?” John spat back, pulling away a little to eye Brian with displeasure. Brian thought about it, and as much as he wished he could have said yes, even he wasn’t that offended by John. He groaned softly, rolling his eyes back into his head. 

“Shut up.” Brian whispered, leaning forward to continue sucking and nibbling marks onto John’s skin. 

“You brought it up.” John mumbled under his breath, allowing his back to arch into Brian’s lips. John was silenced almost immediately, as Brian’s mouth travelled up to his already hard nipple. Squirming somewhat at the sensation, John entangled his hands in Brian’s hair. Brian gripped the smaller man’s shoulders and pulled him closer towards him, allowing his lips and tongue to make their way up to John’s neck and jaw. Brian smirked into the kisses as he heard John release small moans of pleasure. “Just hurry up.” John muttered, already sounding a little breathless. Brian let out a small chuckle and continued to pepper small kisses over John’s collarbones, enjoying watching him writhe above him. 

“A bit eager, are we?” Brian smirked, eyeing John as he released him from his grasp. John quickly stood up, removing his boxers with ease as he rolled his eyes at Brian. 

“Stop trying to be sexy; you’re not very good at it.” John muttered, climbing back on top of Brian, so that their now naked bodies were against each other. “Besides, we literally just had sex; in what world does that constitute wanting more foreplay with you?” John muttered, allowing himself to adjust on Brian’s lap, their erections brushing against one another and making both men release peppered breaths.

“I don’t know… maybe you wanted to-“ Brian began, only to be silenced by John’s lips, moving aggressively against his. John pulled away for a second. 

“If I wanted to have a conversation with you – I’d date you.” John muttered, before reconnecting their lips. Brian reached over to the coffee table, grabbing the lube that he’d put there half an hour before. Brian pulled away for a second, coating his fingers in lube and allowing them to travel to between John’s already straddled legs. 

“You all good?” Brian mumbled, running two fingers over the still rather stretched out hole. John gave him a quick nod, keening down to press himself harder onto Brian’s fingers. Brian pushed his fingers in with ease, letting them work in and out as the smaller man above him let out whimpered breaths. As he shifted his gaze, Brian saw the way John had tipped his head back with eyes shut, and was beginning to bounce himself on Brian’s fingers. Slipping in a third digit, Brian allowed himself to grin a little; it wasn’t necessarily the ability to pleasure John that left Brian content, but more the power that bringing the younger man to the brink of explosion that satisfied him. Brian was near certain the ideal was mutual. 

“Alright; c’mon – just do it.” John mumbled, his voice coming out quiet and damaged. Brian removed his fingers slowly, hearing a soft exhale from above him. Reaching for the lube again, Brian popped the cap and handed it the John. “Why do I have to do it?” John muttered, already squirting lube into his palm. 

“Because, I just fingered you – it’s the least you could do.” Brian mumbled, adjusting himself a little to get comfortable before he felt the coldness of John’s slick hand on him. Brian let out soft hums as John coated his cock with lube, before pulling away and wiping his hand on Brian’s thigh. “Oi – that’s cold!” Brian snapped, looking up at John with knitted brows of anger. John let out a huff of a chuckle as he lined himself up, steadying Brian’s cock as he lowered himself down. The previous ease of three fingers inside of him suggested that John was nowhere near tight at this point of the night, especially considering that was all they’d done since leaving rehearsals. So, as John lowered himself down completely, he released little more than a whimpered moan. 

There was something about when the actual sex started that seemed to remove a need to bicker for Brian and John. It was in no way replaced with a sense of infatuation or care, but more so with a hot passion that disabled their ability to jump down each other’s throats. It was almost as if the emotions and throws of passion circling the room were intense enough that expressing their disdain for one another was too much. 

Brian’s hands found John’s hips as the smaller man began to slowly lift and lower himself, finding steadiness in his hands on Brian’s torso. Brian assisted in lifting John as they quickened the pace, John’s moans becoming more audible and realised. Brian found himself doing the same, his eyes shutting as he released a guttural moan. 

“Fuck; John – faster.” Brian moaned, barely giving the younger man time to answer before lifting and lowering him at a vastly increased speed. Brian opened his eyes, glancing up at John above him; eyes shut tight and face screwed up and he concentrated on bouncing rhythmically. 

There was something about fucking John that Brian found almost endearing; the way the young man rode Brian in a near desperate manner, like he put so much thought into every little bounce and moan. His delicate face, scrunched up and thrown back, hair bouncing with him as his lip quivered. 

Brian could feel John’s thighs shaking by his hands, as both of their moans became louder. It wasn’t atypical of the pair to become a little wordless while having sex; there was something about moaning sweet nothings to one another that was quickly deemed far too romantic for the type of sex the pair liked to partake in.

“Yes. Brian – please. Keep going. Oh my, god.” John said breathlessly, his movements becoming quicker and quicker as his grip on Brian’s chest tightened. “Touch me.” He demanded in breathless anticipation, his hips beginning to jerk towards Brian, rather than just up and down. Brian wordlessly moved one hand from John’s thigh to carefully grasp the base of John’s cock. John let out a small gasp, glancing down at Brian before connecting their lips aggressively. At this point, John was bouncing so forcefully on Brian, that Brian could feel each slam starting to hurt his thighs. “Yes, yes, yes.” John continued to chant into Brian’s mouth with every cohesive bounce and stroke the pair undertook. Brian could feel himself getting close, his moans becoming louder and more uncontrollable. 

“Yes; John. Harder – don’t stop. Feels so good.” Brian moaned, their moans beginning to meld into a harmonious chant of pleasure. Brian felt himself so close to the edge, his grip on John’s hip and cock tightening slightly before his stroking stilled. Brian let out a loud groan as he came, John not once ceasing riding him while he worked through his orgasm. As he lied breathlessly, Brian continued to run his thumb up and down the underside of John’s cock, leaking and painfully hard. John was still bouncing so forcefully, his eyes shut tight and his mouth opened into a ‘O’ shape. Brian could always tell when John was about to come; it was so innocently predictable. The way his eyebrows raised and his lips parted, and his whole body stiffened, like he was trying to stop himself from imploding; and, the way he seemed incapable of not screaming out Brian’s name as he tipped over the edge completely. 

Brian didn’t stop stroking John until the younger man looked about ready to collapse; John leant forward and pressed their torsos together, cum coating both of their stomachs in the process. Brian could see out of the corner of his eye that John had already closed his eyes. Brian sighed and shook him with a frown. 

“Hey – you can’t fall asleep. You don’t live here.” Brian whispered, causing John to groan as he pushed himself back up, straightening up to pull Brian out of him. John lied back on the couch, leaning his head on the arm of the sofa with his legs still spread. “I’m serious.” Brian muttered as he stood up from the couch. John let out a loud sigh, glancing over at Brian. 

“At least clean me up first.” John sassed, eyeing Brian with a fed up and expectant look. Without a response, Brian trailed off to the bathroom, returning after cleaning himself up, with a warm washcloth. He moved to the couch, about to hand John the cloth, when he noticed the younger man was well on his way to being asleep. Brian let out a loud sigh and bent down to clean John up himself, wiping carefully over where his cum had gotten all over his lower torso. John stirred slightly, glancing down at Brian with tired eyes. “What?” He muttered, his voice croaky and quiet. Brian bit his lip as he eyes John, continuing to wipe at him. Part of his wanted to tell John to get the fuck off his couch and go home, but the part of him that was a morally good person, didn’t want to send John home in the middle of the night to mindlessly train home in the state he was in. 

“You can stay asleep on the couch if you want… and just go home in the morning.” Brian offered, standing once he’d sufficiently cleaned John. John gave him a quick nod, not even glancing in Brian’s direction as he turned his head back to the side and shut his eyes again. Brian sighed, it coming out a little angrier than he perhaps meant it; he pulled the blanket up over John and glanced at him for a moment. 

“God; you’re insufferable.” He whispered, before making his way to his bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think :))

Brian had some reservations at first. John was young; they had started it all when he had only just turned 22, which even Brian admitted left John some leeway in the ‘maturity’ department. But, John seemed fully aware of what he was getting himself into - he seemed prepared even. That was, until the first time they went all the way, when there was a complete look of unpreparedness in John’s eyes that almost had Brian worried - almost. Brian was curious as to whether he’d possibly taken John’s virginity, but the pair weren’t necessary on speaking terms, outside of moaning - or screaming - each other’s names. And regardless of whether Brian had taken John’s virginity, it certainly didn’t matter. 

As the pair lay staring at the ceiling, their heaving chests began to match in rhythm. John glanced over at Brian, furrowing his brows when he saw the man beginning to sit up. 

“Done already, old man?” John said snarkily, sitting up as Brian stood from the bed. Brian turned back to him, moving to grab a pair of trousers. 

“I have stuff to do; I have to go be an adult – not that you know about that.” Brian chuckled, pulling on a shirt. John huffed, his brows knitted angrily. 

“You say like you’re an accountant – not a rock star; what adult stuff could you possibly have to do that I don’t also have to do?” John questioned, standing up also. Brian rolled his eyes as he grabbed his shoes and socks and moved into the living room of John’s flat. “What is up with you?” John snapped as he followed the older man out after grabbing his pyjama bottoms. Brian let out a soft groan as he moved to the couch and sat to put his shoes on. “Was it not good?” John muttered, his voice softer than it had previously been. Brian glanced up at John and saw how the younger man’s face had softened, it clearly coming from a place of insecurity. 

“It was good… it’s always good.” He said quickly, even allowing himself to grin for a moment, before remembering exactly who it was standing before him. “It has to be good… I wouldn’t willingly spend time with you otherwise.” He added, giving John a quick wink. John quickly rolled his eyes, sighing as he sat beside him. 

“Then why are you running off? What are you hiding from me, Brian? Huh?” John said playfully, excessively poking at the older man, until it turned into playful pushing, and John had completely crawled on top of Brian, pinning him to the back of the couch. Brian let out a soft chuckle and placed his hands on John’s hips. It wasn’t often that he pair shared a laugh during sex, unless it was at the other’s expense. 

“I really do have to go.” Brian whispered, leaning up to kiss John gently. John was quick to pull away. 

“Why kiss me then? Hmm?” John smirked, slowly sliding off of Brian’s lap and onto the floor between his knees. John ran his hand over Brian’s thigh, moving it slowly up to his crotch, pressing with a little force once he reached the quickly hardening bulge. “Still wanna leave right now?” John smirked. 

“I’ll stay for a bit… but you’re not getting anything in return.” Brian muttered, pulling at the zipper on his trousers. John rolled his eyes as he shimmied Brian’s pants down a little, exposing his unmistakably hard cock. Without a further moment of hesitation, John wrapped his lips around Brian’s length, using his hand to grasp the remainder of it. Brian gasped softly, his hands immediately finding place in John’s hair, gripping it tightly as he forced John further down. John spluttered a little, but forced himself further down, moving his hands to tightly grip Brian’s thighs. John bobbed in agreeance with Brian’s hands pushing him down. Brian’s moans began to escape him loudly, his head thrown back on the top of the couch as he tried to refrain from bucking his hips up into where John was already deep-throating him. “Fuck, John. You’re so good. I wanna fuck you.” Brian moaned, his pushing of John’s head only becoming more vigorous. John let out a soft cross between a hum and a moan, only causing Brian to moan harder. “Yes; do that again – don’t stop.” Brian moaned, pushing John down with more force. John could feel Brian’s cock hitting the back of his throat; he liked sucking Brian off, but he liked getting fucked by him even more, so considering that was on the table, he was in desperate need to get Brian to stop pushing on his head. John let out a louder groan and dug his nails harder into Brian’s skin, until the older man quickly let go, pulling away with a sharp inhale. “Ow!” Brian snapped, running his hands over the crescent shaped indents in his thighs. “You right there? Fucking asshole.” Brian muttered, looking at John with detest. 

“Oh; I’m sorry – excuse me for not wanting to be face-fucked on a Thursday morning!” John snapped, slowly standing up. Brian’s eyes quickly travelled down the length of the younger man, immediately noticing the bulge in his pyjamas bottoms. 

“You love it and you know it.” Brian whispered, eyes cemented on John’s crotch. John looked down at his on hard-on and had to force himself not to blush. 

“You said you wanted to fuck me.” John stated quickly, trying to change the subject and get himself shagged. 

“And has that got you all hot and bothered?” Brian smirked, his tone mocking John somewhat. John rolled his eyes a little, his lip between his teeth. Brian chuckled at the sight before him. “Still loose?” Brian mumbled, pulling his pants down a little further. John was quick to nod in response. “Go get the lube; let’s make this quick.” John rolled his eyes once again. 

“My knight in shining armour.” John teased. “You’re a true gentleman.” He called as he disappeared into his bedroom for a second. He returned with the bottle, tossing it to Brian, who had already made a point of touching himself. “Wow.” John muttered, moving to hover over Brian. Brian rolled his eyes, pecking John’s lips; John looked at him with slight confusion. “What a shit kiss.” John whispered, leaning down to kiss Brian, mouth open and tongue ready to explore. Brian kissed him back for a few seconds, before pulling away. 

“Bend over the couch.” Brian whispered, moving his lips to trail the kisses down Brian’s shoulder and exposed torso. John nodded, clambering off of Brian and onto the couch, kneeling on the cushions with him chest pressed against the back. Brian grinned, leaning down and kissing John’s neck, carrying said kisses from the younger man’s upper back to the right above his bum as he slowly pulled John’s bottoms down around his knees. 

“Hurry up!” John tried to snap, his voice horribly shaky. “Enough of the romantics…” John muttered, gripping the couch. Brian chuckled, already popping of the cap of the lube and running it over his painfully hard cock. Brian put away the lube, slathering the remainder on his fingers over and inside John’s hole. John shuddered a little, pushing himself back just on Brian’s fingers. 

“You’re so eager for it… you slut.” Brian muttered; John flinched a little, not particularly enjoying the occasional dirty talk that Brian engaged in. He’d never say he didn’t like it, out of fear of making things even more awkward between the two of them, but he wasn’t one to enjoy being called a slut. It wasn’t until he felt Brian’s cock being slowly pushed inside of him that he was able to push the thought aside. “All good?” Brian whispered, once he was almost all the way inside John; John bit his lip and nodded a little. Sometimes it seemed that Brian forgot the angry and hate-filled fights he and John partook in. In fact, Brian was sometimes caught momentarily – and mistakably – treating John like more than a hate-fuck; times like this, when he asked him if he was okay, or sometimes, after John had sucked him off, and Brian was carding hands through the younger man’s hair – even while they argued about where their heated sex was headed next. John didn’t detest it when Brian got carried away, but he was quick to remind him that he was being a “nerd”, or assuring that Brian knew he “didn’t like” him – “at all”. 

“Brian; fuck me harder – god, you’re amazing!” The words slipped from John’s lips, forgetting exactly where he was as Brian thrusted quickly into him. He froze for a moment, quickly realising he was going to hear about that little slip up after they were done. 

“I know.” Brian muttered, and John could hear the smirk on his lips. John let out a small groan, that quickly transformed into a loud moan. “Tell me how good it is.” Brian said, leaning down to John’s ear; John wasn’t an idiot, and he knew that Brian was giving him shit. But, there was a part of him that didn’t want to let Brian down, in case it was genuinely what he wanted. 

“Amazing, Brian. It’s so good; you’re so good. Please.” John moan, muffled words colliding him the cushion of the couch beneath John. John heard as the chuckled, a crimson blush spreading over the younger man’s face. “I’m really close.” John moaned, throwing his head back a little. “I- I’m not going to cum on this couch.” John mumbled, his voice shaky and disturbed by his impending orgasm. He heard as Brian chuckled through a loud moan. 

“Can you wait until I cum and you can roll over and do it in a tissue?” Brian asked, his voice shaky. 

“So- so sexy.” John quipped, his eyes rolling back into his head, both in annoyance and pleasure. The moan escaping his mouth got progressively louder, it reaching a near scream as Brian pulled them both up a little, so that John’s back as pressed against his chest. John shuddered as he felt Brian cum, at the same time as Brian’s hand reached down over the younger man’s desperate cock. John came with a moan of Brian’s name, mostly into the older man’s hand. Brian continued to pump John’s cock, using the man’s own cum to lubricate him. John shuddered and shook, wriggling in overwhelm on Brian’s cock, making the taller man moan into his neck. After both of them had calmed down a little, John let out a soft groan. “Some of it got on the couch.” He grumbled, quickly trying to wipe it away. 

“Better than all of it.” Brian mumbled, pulling himself out of John. “I’m going to clean myself up.” He added, disappearing into John’s bathroom. John moved to sit on his couch, collapsing under the weak limbs. Brian returned from the bathroom, having just cleaned himself up and readjust his clothes. He threw John a warm rag. “You’re on your own clean up duty – I am well and truly running late.” Brian chuckled, grabbing his wallet and keys from where they’d been thrown on the table in their initial escapades. John sat up, eyeing him suspiciously. 

“Where do you have to be?” He asked, looking at Brian as he began to wipe himself over with the rag. 

“I have a date.” He replied simply.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to post again. I've been super busy. Also, sorry there's no smut in this chapter - I promise there'll be plenty in the next. Thanks for reading and let me know what you think of this one.

The band meeting the next day was awkward to say the least. If John and Brian had been trying to strangle each other with their stares before, now it was almost unavoidable that one of them was going to lurch across the room and actually commit to it. 

“Are you kidding me? Another solo, really? Don’t you think your head is already big enough?” John spat, hunching over from where he’d previously been leaning back, seemingly observing Brian’s arrogance. Brian simply responded with an eye roll, hardly entertaining the possibility of replying. John let out a loud scoff as he stood up. “Let me know when you guys are done - I don’t even care what you decide on.” John muttered, beginning to walk towards the door. 

“Seemed like you cared a second ago.” Brian muttered, not quite under his breath enough that he hadn’t intended for John to hear it. John’s head shot around, his eyes piercing into Brian with disdain. 

“Is that really necessary, dear?” Freddie questioned, eyes on Brian like a disappointed mother. Brian just rolled his eyes before John muttered some guttural sounds of displeasure and exited the room. 

Following their meeting - which John was eventually forced out of the hallway for - Brian had “kindly” offered to drop John home: “to make up for his behaviour”. John often wondered if Freddie and Roger were ignoring the very obvious signs of their two best friends having sex in order to save face, or if they really were so clueless. John hoped it was the latter. As they pulled up the driveway, John was already unbuckling his seat belt before the car came to a lurching stop. 

“Are you going to come in?” John said quizzically, eyeing Brian with confusion when he didn’t appear to be moving. Brian gave him a nonchalant shake of the head, only causing the confusion to spread across John’s face further. “So… you want to have sex in the car?” John muttered, eyeing Brian up and down. It wasn’t something they’d quite gotten to yet - not like they hadn’t fooled around in the car - but, this was different. Not that John wouldn’t be willing to try, of course. Brian looked at John with confusion that appeared to mimic the younger man’s. 

“John… my date last night went really well. I can’t mess that up.” Brian muttered, as if his words should have been common knowledge. “This… this whole thing… it’s over now.” Brian said quietly, looking at John with a quirked brow. John’s brows subconsciously furrowed, taking a few moments to process what Brian had said. 

“Oh… right - of course! I figured… I just didn’t know if your date had gone well.” John mumbled, his gaze glued to the floor of the car. “I couldn’t imagine anyone actually liking you, so…” John tried to quip, but his voice was small and unmeasured. Brian let out a soft chuckle, much unlike the ones often had at John’s expense; but he didn’t say any more than that. The space between them fell silent for a few moments - no longer filled with lustful passion, or pointed disdain; it was much rather, awkward. “Why…” John began, working to fill the awkward space before really contemplating what he wanted to say. “Why’d you drop me home?” John mumbled, finally allowing his gaze to reach Brian. 

“To make up for being a dick earlier… I already told you.” Brian muttered, his voice lined with something akin to laughter. John’s face screwed up as he continued to stare Brian down. 

“When have you ever tried to be nice to me?” John muttered, rolling his eyes a little as his calloused fingers met in his lap to toy with one another. 

“I don’t know - but, I figured it may as well be time to try.” Brian chucked a little, clearly trying to ease a bit of the ever-present tension. “I guess if we’re not going to be able to fuck out the frustrations… we might want to start getting along.” He added, remanence of laughter evident in his voice. 

“Seriously?” John snapped, causing Brian to look at him a little confused. “Years of angry hate-sex and being awful to each other, just to get through playing in a fucking band together; and you get a fucking boyfriend and suddenly we can just ‘get along’. Are you fucking joking?” John continued, now just seeing red. “Where was ‘figuring out how to get along’ six years ago? Huh?” He yelled, making Brian glad the windows in the car weren’t down. “You’re a piece of fucking work, May – I’ll give you that.” John muttered angrily, moving to open the door. 

“Hang on a minute, John. Just calm down-“ He began softly, before John turned to him with force. 

“Calm down! Are you serious? Don’t even start with me; have fun with you boyfriend – you prick.” John spat, turning once again. This time, Brian made a point of grabbing John’s wrist to hold him in place. 

“Alright – cut it out. I know you’re mad; but, can you at least slow down and explain to me why exactly you’re furious. Are you really that mad that we aren’t going to be fooling around anymore? What’s the big deal – anyone would fuck you if you asked.” Brian mumbled, trying to remain rational, but being wildly confused by John’s outburst. “Why are you so angry about it?” Brian asked again, eyeing John with furrowed brows. John let out a soft groan

“I’m just annoyed that we had this good thing going – the only thing keeping us from killing each other; and then all of a sudden you get a boyfriend and instantly want nothing to do with me.” John grumbled. 

“I always want nothing to do with you, John.” Brian said flatly, his brows still furrowed in confusion. 

“Not in bed, you didn’t.” John spat, trying to maintain the hint of malice. Brian stared at him for a few moments, trying to decipher all that had occurred before him. He could see behind John’s eyes that he was more than angry – he was upset; he could also see that John knew that Brian could see it in his eyes. “I just… I honestly thought that the sex meant something to you – not anything… you know – genuine; but something, at least.” John mumbled, suddenly appearing so small in the seat of Brian’s car. “You know what? This is so stupid – I’m going inside.” John snapped, clearly remembering who he was sitting next to. 

“John?” Brian said quickly, not allowing John to time to try and escape the car again. “Were you… you know…” Brian asked, his brows knitting and his mouth straight; John’s eyes went wide, anger behind them. 

“No!” He snapped, looking about ready to fight Brian. A silence fell over the two of them, as if an unspoken conversation had continued to transpire. It seemed that such silence was too much for John, because words came tumbling from his mouth before he could think twice about them. “I’d been with women, okay.” He muttered, still clearly seething. 

“And… men?” Brian smirked, enjoying watching the usually unbreakable John squirm. 

“Not until you and I… started…” John mumbled, his voice softening considerably. “It’s no big deal; s’not like you took my virginity or anything.” John was trying to spit venom at Brian, but his voice remained soft. 

“I didn’t insinuate that; did I, John? That was all you.” Brian smirked, knowing that he’d won, and truly had something over John. He enjoyed watching John squirm; there was something about watching the younger man, viscerally uncomfortable, that had him thinking maybe he was some sort of sociopath. But, at the same time, it was more than likely that disdain for each other that had gotten them in this situation in the first place. He knew if the tables were turned, John would have enjoyed it just as much.

“It doesn’t mean anything, okay? It really just means that you were desperate enough to have sex with someone with zero experience.” John shot back, his voice finding itself harsh again. Brian let out a soft chuckle as he turned the keys in the ignition again. 

“That’s fine with me; I’m the one with the boyfriend – remember?” Brian smirked, eyeing John down and waiting for the younger man to exit the car. It only took a few seconds for John to let out a hearty groan and grab his bag as he opened the door. He exited, slamming to door behind him loudly, as he marching inside his building. Brian let out a quiet chuckle, waiting for John to be properly inside before speeding off. 

John marched angrily all the way from Brian’s car to his apartment, opening the door and not caring how loudly it shut behind him. He dropped his bags by the door and moved in frustration towards the couch. John sat in a huff and stared at his blank TV before bursting into tears; they were real, and genuine, and sad – and he hated it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took soooo long. I've been crazy busy the last couple of weeks. Let me know what you think of this chapter and the current direction of the fic. I know I promise smut; but the chapter was getting a bit too long to add it :((((
> 
> I have also just uploaded a new Joger fic called Sticks and Stones that you should definitely go check out

John was more than thankful that they had a few days off of rehearsals, because the thought of facing Brian in his current state was overwhelming enough to get him crying around. By the time rehearsals rolled around again, John had successfully composed himself enough that walking into their rehearsal space did not have him threatening tears. That was until he noticed the unfamiliar figure in the corner, currently being attended to by Brian. John’s brows furrowed heavily as he glanced between Roger and Freddie, and the pair in the corner. He mouthed a quick ‘what the fuck’ to the other two and stood practically motionless until Brian finally turned around. He wore a wide smile, which only became more smug once his eyes connected with John. 

“John! So glad you’re here; this is Chris.” He grinned, stepping aside so John was staring directly at him; he couldn’t help it as his face contorted into disgust. 

“Now, dear… just because you and Brian don’t get along, doesn’t mean you can be so belligerent to our guest.” Freddie said loudly, moving to place his hand on John’s shoulder. “Brian’s finally getting some action - might mean he’s less moody and you two can actually get along.” Freddie chuckled. “Now we just need to get you laid.” He smirked, playfully reaching up to pinch John’s cheek. John was so overwhelmed by everything that was happening - between Freddie’s comments and Brian’s literal boyfriend - that he didn’t even know how to respond. 

“Can I please be excused?” John muttered, receiving strange looks from all three of his band members as he turned swiftly and exited the room, dropping his guitar case as he practically ran. He made his way quickly outside until he heard gentle footsteps behind him. 

“What the fuck is your problem?” John flipped around to see Brian standing not two feet away from him, hands on his hips. John stared up at the taller man in disbelief. “Hello? You deaf or something?” Brian snapped, waving a hand in front of John. John was using every bit of control that he’d garnered in his 28 years, not to breakdown and cry in front of Brian; so much so that he had failed to remember to control the other parts of him. He lurched forward and slammed his lips into Brian’s, gripping the older man by the face as large hands quickly held his waist. The kiss only lasted a few moments before Brian pulled away. “What the fuck?!” Brian yelled, pushing John off of him when the younger man didn’t remove his hands from Brian’s face. John stumbled back a few paces, staring up at Brian as he felt the tears threatening to spill. 

“I-I… I have to go.” He stammered before turning around and making a run for it. He didn’t care that his bass was still inside, or even that he walked out on rehearsals; all he cared about was the fact that Brian was going back inside to be with Chris. When John got home, he collapsed onto his couch and allowed himself to melt into the cushions. He cried for a while, until he eventually fell asleep. 

________

John woke a few hours later to the sound of his door opening; John sat up and looked towards the door to see Brian closing the door softly before turning back to John. 

“Oh, you are awake.” He muttered, shuffling meekly to the couch. “I just thought I would check on you… you didn’t come back to rehearsals.” Brian said softly, as John rubbed his eyes. Brian chuckled softly. “Bit tired?” He grinned, taking a step closer to John. 

“Can we stop this? Can we stop pretending that you actually care about me? You’ve said yourself; you don’t want anything to do with me now that you have him.” John whispered, unable to look Brian in the eyes. 

“I can’t want nothing to do with you; we’re in a famous rock band together.” Brian chuckled slightly, seemingly trying to lighten the mood a little. 

“You know what I mean, Brian.” John said quickly. “You don’t like me; not as a person… and not like… that.” He muttered, glancing around his living room floor. 

“What do you mean by ‘that’?” Brian queried, moving to sit on the arm of John’s couch. 

“The way you like Chris.” John mumbled under his breath. Brian looked at him rather confused for a moment, before sliding down onto the actual couch to sit beside John. 

“I’m not sure I understand, John. Why are you concerned that I don’t like you the way I like Chris? Chris is my boyfriend… and we’ve never liked each other; not even as friends.” Brian said, confusion all over his face. “Why are you now worried and upset that I’m not being nice to… that was our thing. We hate each other.” Brian mumbled. 

“I don’t hate you!” John cut in quickly. “I really don’t hate you at all, Brian. I just…” He stammered, moving to kneel before Brian on the couch, reaching for his arm. “I don’t hate you.” He repeated, leaning forward a little. “And I know it’s so silly to even think that you mightn’t hate me, but… I really want things to go back to the way they are… you and me… us.” John whispered, gradually closing the gap between he and Brian until they he was almost sitting on the older man’s lap. “There isn’t anywhere within you that liked what we had?” John questioned, slowly leaning to close the gap between his and Brian’s lips. 

“I liked having sex with you, John. That’s it; I didn’t like you like that… I’m never going to like you like that.” Brian whispered, before quickly pecking John’s lips. “I have to go.” Brian said quickly, standing and moving back towards the door. 

“No; Brian, please! Just hear me out.” John begged, standing from the couch to scamper after him. 

“John; I don’t want to hear you out. You’re being pathetic. I get that maybe us having sex meant something to you; but, I can assure that it meant nothing to me.” He mumbled, reaching for the doorknob. John couldn’t work out whether to try once more to stop and woo Brian, or to simply let him go. After a few moments of emotional turmoil, he decided on the latter. As he watched the door shut behind Brian, he made a swift move to the phone; dialling and waiting, trying to hold in his emotional outburst. After a few rings, his call was answered. 

“Fred; can you take me to a club? Yes… yes; one of those clubs.” John said, as confidently as he could muster.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being gone for so long. I've added to this and Stick and Stones if you're interested in that on (it's much newer - go check it out). This chapter gets a bit heavier (see tags) and deals with some non-consensual situations; none of these are explored in detail, but are mentioned and are a significant plot point within this chapter. Proceed with caution if that is something that effects you.

When John and Freddie reached the club, John was having strong second thoughts. However, he knew he had to do this - he had to get over whatever the odd feelings he had for Brian were; and going to such a club with Freddie was how he intended to do it. 

When they stepped inside, John glanced around at the crowded bar, and even more crowded dance floor and let out a shaky sigh. 

“C’mon, dear; don’t be such a stress head! Have a drink and get into it - you’re not getting any younger!” Freddie said loudly, pushing John towards the bar. They were famous rock stars, so they were in no way strangers to a party lifestyle, but knowing what John knew he wanted to get out of tonight, made him a little nervous - and even embarrassed. Before he could even retaliate to Freddie, the older man was thrusting a shot into his hand and encouraging him to drink it. After swallowing another one was placed in his hand; he received two more before Freddie handed him a beer. “Now; go get ‘em, tiger!” He smirked, pushing him playfully towards the dance floor. John allowed himself to be consumed by the hoards of people, and even more so by the music - he let himself melt into the beat and dance as he drank. 

It didn’t take long for John to be completely relaxed and feeling a little more promiscuous. He moved over to where a tall, thin man was dancing also, and moved himself much closer, pushing his body against the taller man’s. The pair exchanged some slurred conversations as they messily dance up on one another, before the man leant all the way down to John’s ear, his breathing a little heaved. 

“Want to come back to mine?” He asked, beginning to kiss and suck on John’s ear as John nodded a little. Moments went by in a blur as John was dragged out of the club and into a taxi, bound for the mystery man’s house. John spent the car ride focused on trying to stay upright as the man sucked marks over his neck. When they did reach the apartment, John was surprised by how quaint it all was. Everything was neatly placed and well-decorated; John almost found himself laughing at the way that despite his drunken state, he noticed the sweet decorations of his random hook-ups home. 

There wasn’t much time to admire knick-knacks, as John was quickly being pushed onto the couch. As the man climbed on top of him and began to run his hands over John’s torso, John realised that he didn’t even know the man’s name. He bit his lip and closed his eyes as the man’s hands travelled to undo his trouser buttons. All he could think about was how this wasn’t him; how it was so uncharacteristic of him to be in some strangers bed. In fact, he’d spent most of his nights and mornings in bed with the same person for the last several years - and it was Brian’s. In an instant, John was bolt upright. 

“I have to go.” John whispered, eyes glancing over the man who was already pantsless. 

“C’mon, love. You’re gonna give me blue balls.” The man groaned, pushing John back onto the couch. “I’ll only take a few minutes if you’ve got somewhere to be…” 

“No, I-” John was swiftly silenced by the man’s drunken lips, kissing him forcefully as he hovered over him. John could feel his body tensing up, he wanted to push the man off of him and run, but he was larger and laid over John with his full body weight. The man pulled off of John’s lips for a moment as he struggled with the brunette’s trousers and pants. “Please, don’t.” John whispered, although much of the noise was caught in his throat. 

“Calm down, love. You’re gonna love it.” He whispered, before reconnecting their lips again.

…………….

John thought he’d been having hate sex for years - he realised he didn’t know what hate sex felt like until he was lying on the couch, in the quaint apartment of the man he didn’t even know the name of. He stared at the ceiling, feeling tears succumb to gravity as they fell from the corners of his eyes towards his ears and hair. Feeling the onset of bruises from where he’d been forcibly told to stop crying, or shoved into some other position. It wasn’t until John heard the bathroom door swing open that he forced himself to sit up, wiping tears ferociously. 

“Didn’t you say you have somewhere to be?” The man questioned, brushing hair out of his eyes as he glanced at John like he meant nothing. John was quick to nod, standing and making sure his pants and shirt were properly buttoned before grabbing his jacket and leaving. It took John a moment to register the cold air against his skin, but he didn’t quite mind it considering it was the only thing assuring him he was still alive. He sped walk to the only place he could fathom going. His hands were so cold that he couldn’t feel the harsh bang on his knuckles as he viciously knocked on the door, tears having made themselves present again on his walk. The vigor with which he knocked meant it didn’t take long for the door to open and for John to be staring up at a rather displeased Brian. 

“John?” His name came out like venom, and it made John shiver from more than the cold. “What are you doing here? It’s like 2 in the morning.” Brian questioned, but it didn’t sound like much care resided within him. 

“I just… I just wanted to see you - please, can I come in…” John whispered, already taking a tentative step inside. 

“John.” Brian said sternly, his arm going out to stop the younger man from entering. “I told you we’re not having sex anymore… Chris is here - you have to leave.” Brian added, seriously. John took a deep breath, his breath quivering as he looked up at Brian. 

“I really… I really need you right now, Brian.” John whispered, hoping that Brian could see how desperately he was pleading. 

“John; go home.” Brian stated, a fed up sigh escaping his lips. 

“No!” John shot back, desperately, tears threatening his eyes once again. “Brian, please just listen to me… I think I love you and I really need you right now!” By this point, John sounded absolutely crazy as he stepped closer to Brian. 

“You could find a root anywhere, John. Now, please leave me alone so I can go back to sleep… in my bed with my _boyfriend_. Don’t come back here.” Brian muttered, before stepping back and closing the door in John’s face. 

…………….

The next morning, Brian strolled into rehearsals the see Roger tapping mindlessly on his drum kit, seemingly unaware of the emptiness of the room around them. 

“Where are the others…?” Brian queried, placing down his guitar case as he looked around, as if the other two might have suddenly appeared.

“Freddie’s running l-” Roger began nonchalantly, only to be cut off.

“Yeah; could have guessed that. Where’s John? Not like him to be late.” Brian mumbled, unclicking his case and occasionally looking up at Roger.

“He’s gonna miss rehearsals today…” Roger mumbled, toying with his lip in what appeared nervousness.

“What?” Brian spat, now standing up and forgoing getting his guitar out of its case to take a few steps closer to Roger. “Are you serious; under was pretense is that okay?” Brian asked, hands falling onto his hips as they always did when he was angry or frustrated.

“Look…” Roger said loudly, causing Brian to glance at him with raised brows. “I know you two really hate each other, but can you just put it aside for a second… some shit went down last night.” Roger mumbled

“Oh, boo hoo. I’m sorry if closing the door in his face when he told me he loved me hurt his feelings, but he’s being a baby.” Brian spat, not an ounce of remorse or concern in his voice. 

“Are you kidding me?” Roger butted in. “Have a fucking heart, Brian!” Quickly, his anger dissipated as he continued. “John and Freddie went out to a club, John went home with some guy and he got… he got hurt, okay?” Roger mumbled, unable to make eye contact with anything but his bass pedal. “He got to mine at like… 3 in the morning- all battered up and bruised; he was a real mess.” Roger whispered. Brian’s face was that of the aftermath of an atomic bomb; Roger could feel the self-hatred radiating off of the taller man as he gazed up. “Wait… he told you he loved you?” Roger said loudly, eyes wide as if the information had only just processed. Brian glanced over at the younger man and nodded a little. 

“Right after…” Brian trailed off as he and Roger were clearly enough on the same page for Brian’s guilt to be permeating every inch of the room. “I have to go…” Brian muttered, removing his guitar and quickly making way to the exit.

…………….

Brian had never driven faster in his life; as he reached Roger’s house, he brought the car to a screaming holt as the gravel of his driveway crunched under his tyres. He practically leaped out of the car as he made his way inside, using his knowledge of the whereabouts of Roger’s spare key to let himself in. He made his way quickly through the sizable house, stopping once he reached one of the spare bedrooms, the door slightly ajar. He slowly pushed it open, eyeing the lump in the duvet with sad eyes. Brian continued further into the room, taking it upon himself to lower onto the bed and place a gentle hand on John’s side. The younger man jumped, a small sob coming from his throat - one that made Brian ache.

“It’s okay; it’s only me - you’re okay.” Brian whispered soothingly, re-placing his hand on John’s hip and beginning to rub soothingly. “I just came… I came to say… I’m - well, I didn’t know…” Brian muttered, trying to find the words somewhere within how muddled his brain was. 

“It’s fine.” John practically squeaked, his voice hoarse and quiet. 

“It’s not.” Brian said quickly. “I should have just listened to you when you said you needed me!” Brian groaned. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked quieter. 

“You wanted to get back to your boyfriend.” John mumbled; the words were like a punch in the gut for Brian; hearing his awful words spoken back to him like that, from someone who deserved his attention and care - it wasn’t a feeling he liked in the slightest. 

“You should have told me - made me listen.” Brian mumbled, leaning down a little to be closer to John. 

“You said don’t come back.” The younger man whispered. Brian could feel his heart sinking to the pit of his stomach, but that was nothing compared to watching the way John’s body shook slightly, as if trying to hide sobs. There was a muffled sniffle before the younger man spoke up again. “I went to Roger’s and it was fine. You don’t have to be sorry; I came to your house at 2 in the morning - that’s not fair on you.” John whispered. Brian let out a small and shaky sigh. 

 

“No!” Brian said quickly, leaning down closer to John, both of the older man’s large hands now wrapped slightly around John’s mid-section. “You… come whenever you want. If you need me, I’ll be there… God, John - I’m so sorry.” Brian whispered, his voice shaky at best. It was in that moment that John seemed to deny his place as a lump on the bed, sitting up with ample speed.

“Why do you keep apologising? What did you do, Brian? You didn’t hurt me! You didn’t hold me down and do terrible things to me, and then throw me out like I was yesterday’s food scraps.” John snapped, tears in his eyes and his body shaking profusely. “All you did was want to spend time with your boyfriend instead of your ex-booty call - you can’t be blamed for that!” John practically yelled before the room went entirely silent. Brian hadn’t the slightest idea what to say in response to John’s confession, and it seemed as if John had screamed out any ounce of effort he had left. The silence was uncomfortable - unbearable even - and it continued on for far too long for Brian, until such discomfort was cut off by the feeling of John’s body hitting his with full-force. As he peered down at the younger man, he could see the way he clung to him, crying into his shirt. Brian reached his arms tightly around John, holding the younger man tight to his body. The pair remained like that until John had stopped crying somewhat. 

“Do you remember the first time we… you know.” Brian whispered, a soft smile on his face. The change of tone caused John to look up at hs through tear-soaked lashes. “We had been in the studio for days and we were just getting so frustrated with each other.” Brian muttered, reminance of a chuckle in his voice. John let out a small sniffle before speaking up. 

“I remember… we were fighting after Roger and Freddie left. I thought you were going to hit me… and then you started kissing me.” John whispered, even allowed something attune to a chuckle to a chuckle escaping his throat. 

“Right before that happened, I remember looking at you and thinking about how I wished we could get along, because… well, I’ve always thought you were attractive - obviously.” Brian chuckled, receiving the same from John. The room fell silent again for just a beat for John shuffled to be sitting directly across from Brian. 

“I’m sorry for going a bit crazy. We’d always said it was just a sexual thing; I guess I let myself get too caught up in having someone around.” John admitted, breaking eye contact with Brian for a moment. 

“But it wasn’t fair of me to just drop you as soon as I met someone.” Brian replied, both of them nodding as if to signify they understood their mutual apologies. “Is it too late to be there for you? Because if you still need me… or even if you don’t - I’d like to make up for being the worst.” Brian whispered. John was quick to smile, nodding as he lay back down under his covers. Brian adjusted to move behind him, wrapping his lanky arm protectively over John. 

“This was always my favourite part.” John whispered. “I really liked cuddling afterwards… and the banter.” John teased. Brian let out a gentle huff before placing a careful kiss on John’s neck.

“How are you feeling?” Brian questioned, his lips so close to John that it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. 

“Better, now.” He replied, his teary eye fluttering shut.


End file.
